(Here are e-mailed stories that friends from San Francisco to Kuala Lumpur and Toronto found rib-tickling. The topnotcher is titled: "The Blonde Pinay." Second ranked was: "Interview with an 80-year Bride" Enjoy. - JLM)

Wanting to earn some money, this blond Pinay canvassed a wealthy neighborhood for a handyman's job. At the first house, she asked the owner if he had any jobs.

"Well, how about painting my porch," the man replied. "How much will you charge?" The Pinay asked: 'How about pipty dollars?' The man agreed. The paint and ladders needed were in the garage, he added.

"Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?," asked the man's wife. "She should," the husband answered. "She was standing on the porch."

An hour time later, the blond Pinay came to collect her pay 'You're finished?' the surprised owner asked. "O-o," replied the Pinay. "And I had paint lept ober, so I gabe it two coats."

Impressed, the man handed over $50. And just before leaving, the blond added over her shoulder. "By the way -- it's not a Porch, it's a Perrari."

Here's one about the local news station interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she just married -- for the fourth time at 80.

After questions about her life on how it felt marrying again, the interviewer asked: "What is your husband's occupation?" And the new bride replied: "He's a funeral director."

"Interesting," the newsman commented. Could you tell our audience a little about your first three husbands, he went on. "And what they did for a living?"

After a brief pause, she smiled and answered proudly: she'd married a banker when she was in her early 20s. Then in her 40s, he married a circus ringmaster. And later, in her 60s, she chose a preacher. And now in her 80s, a funeral director.

"Such diverse careers!" the astonished interviewer commented. Was there any reason for this wide selection?

And her explanation brought down the show: "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

This is about the Sunday late riser. The mother knocked on her son's door and yelled: Mass would start in 15 minutes. "I'm not going," came the sleepy reply. "Why not?" the irritated mother asked, banging on the door again.

"I'll give you two reasons," the son said. "First, some of the people there don't like me. And two, I don't like them either."

"Now, let me give you two reasons why you should get dressed and hurry to church," replied the mother. "First: You're 59 years old. And second, you're the parish priest."

Now, what's the best way to pray? A priest, a minister and an immam discussed how they prayed best while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No, no, no." said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to heaven."

"You're both wrong," the immam weighed in. "The most effective prayer position is prostrating oneself on the floor."

The phone repairman could not contain himself. "Excuse me folks," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

And this one is about a picnic's menu. A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest met at their town's picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.

"This baked ham is delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "Try it. I know it's against your rules. But I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to taste it?" The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said: "At your wedding."

"Today Is the Best Day of Your Life" is the title of an article sent in by a friend from Bangkok. It reads:

"Today, when I awoke, I suddenly recalled there were times when I wondered if I would make it to today. But I did. And I'll celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: accomplishments, the many blessings, and yes, even the hardships - because they made me stronger.

"I will go through this day with head held high and a happy heart. I'll marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts: the morning dew, the sun, clouds, trees, flowers. Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.

"Today, I'll share my excitement for life with other people. I'll make someone smile. I'll go out of my way to do an act of unexpected kindness for someone I don't even know.

Today, I'll give a compliment to someone who seems down. And I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for them, and how much they mean to me.

"Today, I will quit worrying about what I don't have. Instead, I'll start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God, and His divine plan, ensures everything will be fine.

"And when the day ends, I will thank the Father for the best day in my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child because tomorrow is going to be the best day in my life."

(E-mail: juan_mercado@boholchronicle.com)