Love is a decision. A decision to love the other person above yourself. For there could be 101 different reasons why another person can become less lovable.

To love in spite of these reasons is therefore an act of the will. It is indeed a decision.
Love is volitional rather than emotional.

After years of relationship, we often hear of married couples or lovers swearing they had "fallen out of love." This is so because all of us are victims of the myth of fairy tales which end with the partners "living happily ever after." Snow White refuses to acknowledge that the Prince Charming has some traits of the wicked witch and insists conflicts are signs that the relationship is not working.

"Falling in love" with all its fireworks and intensity is not the same as "staying in love."

The first is effortless; the second a litany of work and sacrifice. It is when one grasps the ephemeral, temporary nature of falling in love and the inevitability of its ending that the opportunity for genuine love begins.

M. Scott Peck wrote that love can exist without the feeling of love as when one partner acts lovingly even despite the fact that he does not "feel loving." It is the acknowledgement of "falling out of love" that "marks the beginning of the work of their marriage, not its end."

When it comes to love, clichés abound. The facetious say that love is an island of emotions surrounded by a sea of expenses. On the other hand, it is said that the one who loves money never has enough. The first million only whets up the desire for two more millions.

Wealth and power to them have become ends rather than means to a goal. Ever wonder why those with immense wealth and power feel loneliest when they have met their zenith of success? Why do you think the phrase "It is always lonely at the top" was coined? Why did Howard Hughes the billionaire-recluse insulated with wealth hide himself from humanity and kill himself? Or Marilyn Monroe?

It is because they had mistaken their means as their goals in life when the only source of genuine happiness is to love others and share one's bounty.

Happy therefore is the individual who sets aside his lucrative career and suffer the path of honest politics for the betterment of others. Happy too is the man whose financial goals are aimed at providing the best education for his children and to afford him the time and luxury to help his community once he is "made."

Some say, everything we need to know in this world, they taught us in kindergarten.

There were are taught to love people and life without reservation and to pray to God like a fully trustful child. Adult education scares us about people who take advantage and of a vengeful god who will only be actively looking for violators to punish.

Christ in the New Testament "suffered the little children" to come to him and added "unless you become like children again, you cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

A worst kind of love is called narcissism or self-love which can lead to tragic ends. The word is coined from the Greek god Narcissus who had such attractive physical attributes that he spent the whole day admiring his reflection on the river. One day, while adoring himself he slipped into the river and drowned himself.

Yet it was the prophet-poet Kahlil Gibran who so accurately admonished lovers: "Fill each other's cup but drink not from the same cup…."

Love is not possessive; it loves unconditionally even with the risk of losing one's beloved. Loving someone means setting him free - if he comes back, he is truly hers; if not he was not meant to be, in the first place.

A man who truly love is not fearful of death but acknowledges the latter as constant companion. This certainty of death defines the limits of his time and love and therefore guides him to love best here and now.

Love of country is one of the noblest kind; it encompasses a wide sea of humanity, strangers mostly, and requires a dedication that borders on martyrdom. Stories of heroes have filled our history books with accounts of bravery, fortitude and nationalism and continue to edify the living beyond the heroes' death.

Eric Segal said in "Love Story," love is never having to say you're sorry for the beloved has already forgiven you even before you ask. Indeed the true measure of love is to love without measure. My associate Noel said that years ago and added that misery consists not of not being loved, only in not loving.

The mystery of love is such that it is self-replenishing the more one gives love, the more this enlarges rather than diminishes his person. Often it is the person who seeks to be loved who does not find it and only those who love others enough to forget themselves who eventually become lovable.

I have discovered that the opposite of love is not hate but fear, fear of being rejected, fear of loving too much. It is part of the tragedy of our times.

Even some animals instructively love - notice how dogs (man's best friend) will die defending their masters. We heard of the story in Tarlac where an ordinary street dog ("asong kalye") befriended a house cat and they were always together in the house.

Story has it that the street dog became very sick one day. The house cat slept by his side, licking the dog's fur until he breathed his last - days after. Now who says dogs and cats always fight.

The Greeks, on the other hand, distinguish between the two loves eros which is love for those who we are attracted to and agape which is an unconditional love for someone for what he is and what he's not. This true love does not always demand reciprocity, it is by itself complete and indivisible.

Many people expect that in leading loving lives they will be empty of pain and suffering on earth. Quite the contrary. As brod-in-law Tony explained: the constancy of suffering is reflected in Christ's answer when asked "How can we be like You?" when he replied: "Take up your cross daily and come follow me."

This daily cross can be the everyday stress of living or major family problems but everyone without exception is heir to suffering. It is part and parcel of human existence. It is in the acceptance and surrender to suffering and sacrifice that one finds real joy.

As an SVD priest once parahrased Christ's message: "If I don't take away all sufferings…It is not because I do not love you enough. Fulfillment comes from the passage to life through suffering and death. The best I can say is ask you to follow me and have faith." He too suffered and died on earth like an ordinary human being.

That should add the greatest mystery to this thing called love. After all it is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived.

It is worth pondering on these thoughts as we celebrate this season of hearts.

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