(That's the title of four anecdotes that a friend told while we waited for our flights. Laughing, specially at yourself, is therapeutic, he said. Read and understand why - JLM )

After retiring, this gent went to apply for Social Security. The woman, behind the counter, asked for a driver's license to verify my age. The chap looked in his pockets, only to realize he left it at home.

"Sorry. I'll have to pick it up and come back," he said. "No need. Just unbutton your shirt," the clerk replied. He did as told and revealed his chest's silver hair.

'That white hair is proof enough," the clerk said, then processed his Social Security application.

When he got home, he told his wife about the experience at the Social Security office.

She snapped: 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight began…

At this high school reunion, this man kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. Her interest piqued, his wife asked: 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' the husband said with a deep sigh, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago. And I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'Good heavens, says the wife, 'Who'd think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then, the fight began…

Now, this gent rear-ended a car in the morning rush hour. So, there they, alongside the road as other cars inched past their squashed vehicles. And then, the driver of the other car got out.

"Sometimes, you just get soooo stressed and little things seem funny," he explained. "Believe it or not. The driver coming towards me was a dwarf."

"He stormed over to over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted: "I am not happy."

So, I looked down at him and asked: 'Well, then which one of the seven dwarfs are you?'

And then, the fight began …..

This lady looks long and hard in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees. "I feel horrible," she tells the husband who is reading the newspapers. "I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect," the husband says without looking up. .

And then, the fight began….

As a hobby, an editor-friend collects the text of ads, billboards and bumper stickers. They provide a rich lode of humor, he says. Here are some:

Ad in a newspaper classified section: "Guitar for Sale. Cheap. No strings attached."

Billboard in a hospital room: "Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time! Ad in a management glossie: "Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives."

Barber shop ad: "We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business"

Ad in a family magazine: "You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off. "Ads in a women's magazine: "Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

Restaurant Notice: "All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the Manager." Signs in three bars: "When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading." "My Grandfather Is 80 And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle." And: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Billboards In Driving School: "If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way". " Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.". Sign in beauty parlor window: "Don't Whistle At Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother.""

Heard about the "Baptist Bathroom"? No? Well, here it is:

A very proper lady planned a camping vacation for her Baptist Church group. She wrote to make sure it was fully equipped. But she could bring herself to write the word "toilet". She opted for "BC", i.e. "bathroom commode." "Does your campground have its own "B.C.?", she asked.

The campground owner could not figure out what "B.C" meant. He asked around.

"Perhaps, she meant a Baptist Church," he was told. After all, the letterhead referred to a Baptist Church." So, he sent this reply:

"Madam, The B.C. is located nine kilometers from the campground in a beautiful grove I admit it is quite a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly.

"It can seat 350 people at one time. And it's open Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. The acoustics are very good. Everyone can hear even the quietest passages.

"It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband there. We're having a fund-raiser to purchase new seats. The old ones have holes in them.

"Unfortunately, my wife is ill. So, she has not been able to attend regularly. It has been a good six months since she last went. It pains her very much not to be able to go more often.

"Perhaps I could accompany you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to folks there".

(Have a great weekend . "May the Lord open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing that you will not have room enough to receive them all." Malachi 3:10)

(E-mail: juan_mercado@boholchronicle.com)